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My Week at Sea
Posted on Tuesday, February 03, 2009 :|: Nobody cared enough to Comment

So I went on a 7 Day Eastern Caribbean Cruise with Rachel, her boyfriend Bruce and Christen. They had been on a cruise before, but this was my first time. I've never even left the country before this. We enjoyed our trip aboard the Carnival Splendor ship in awesome Spa suites on the highest level with our own private balcony. I know you are just dying to hear all about it, so here is my day by day take.

Saturday, January 24, 2009 - Drive and Embarkation

Our journey actually started Friday night. We left Memphis for Fort Lauderdale around 6 PM. Bruce drove like a bat out of hell most of the way down there. We had about an 18 hour drive and only 22 hours to get there. In hind sight, I'm not sure why we were in such a hurry because we got there with 5 hours to spare.

I had to show my passport four or five times just to get on the boat. I instantly started to explore the ship. It had a two story tall slide, three pools, 5 hot tubs and several bars and dining areas. Because we had a spa suite, they gave us a tour of the spa. The tour guide led us around to the different parts of the spa and somebody from each part would tell us about what they did. I had fun pushing buttons to turn water on and off in different places. They walked us into the acupuncture room and there was a guest on the table with needles in his back. I was standing at his feet and was tempted to tickle his feet, but I managed to resist. When we made it to the gym, I began entertaining myself on a bouncy ball until I caused the gym lady to laugh. The tour guide managed to keep her composure the whole time though. Bruce went to bed after the tour as he had been up about 24 hours.

At dinner time I felt like I was in a fancy restaurant. Instead of a host, they had a maitre d'. The table was decorated with fresh flowers and the napkin was folded into a design. When we sat down, the waiter unfolded my napkin and placed it in my lap. That was kind of creepy, yet mildly entertaining. The wait staff even sung a song to us. After the appetizer and main course, the waiter replaced my fork with a clean one. You don't get that at TGI Fridays, they tell you to take your fork off the empty plate before they pick it up. Rachel and Christen said that at desert time if I didn't move my spoon from above my plate to the left of it, the waiter would do it for me. I decided to have fun with the waiter by rearranging my fork and knife randomly throughout dinner. The expressions on his face were slightly entertaining as he put things back where they belong, but I was disappointed because he never moved the spoon.

I didn't do much after dinner. I had been up about 36 hours by then, so I went to bed.

Sunday, January 25, 2009 - Fun Day of Sea Sickness

I woke up with a slight headache and was dizzy throughout the day. This being my first time, it took me a little while to realize, "Oh! That's what sea sickness feels like." I thought sea sickness was hanging your head over the edge of the boat and puking like they do in the movies and cartoons, but apparently not everybody experiences nausea. Christen gave me some medicine, which I later mixed with alcohol. The headache went away and I wasn't dizzy anymore, but I got very tired.

I spent the day wandering the ship and checking out all the hot girls. One particular girl caught my eye at dinner. I guess it was more like she caught me checking her out. She looked at me and smiled. We exchanged glances and smiles throughout the week, but I was too shy to ever talk to her.

This was cruise elegant night, so we had to dress up for dinner. I showed up in kakis and a polo and was surprised that they let me in. Most of the guys were wearing suits and ties.

Bruce, Rachel and I went to the dance club while Christen slept. She goes to bed really early each night.

Monday, January 26, 2009 - San Juan, Puerto Rico

We arrived in Puerto Rico around 5 PM. I realized that all the cruise ships that left port with us on Saturday had met us there. I guess they all go to the same places. The girls wanted to go shopping while Bruce wanted to go to a strip club. Bruce and I set out to find a gentleman's club that was on a map somebody gave us as we got off the boat. We eventually found out that the map was of another city, but somebody pointed us to a local strip club. We played pool and drank until the strip club opened. We were the first customers in the bar. We couldn't exactly wait because the ship sailed at midnight. I was kind of new to the whole strip club thing, so I had fun with the strippers. They would tap the string on their bikini and I would look at it and tap it too. They would say, "No! You are supposed to put a dollar there." I don't understand why, because they just took the dollar out and put it in a pile on the dance floor. I kept acting like I didn't know that I was supposed to pay them for the lap dance. "You're doing this for money? I thought you were dancing in my lap because you liked me."

Tuesday, January 27, 2009 - St. Thomas, Virgin Islands

Bruce wasn't feeling good and stayed in bed all day. I went shopping with the girls and bought something called Sea Bands. They use acupressure on your wrist to prevent sea sickness. Christen was already using them and she said they work, so I tried them. Yep, they work magic. The girls got tired after a couple of hours of shopping, so we went back to the boat.

Bruce got up after we left port and we checked out the Piano Bar while Rachel played poker and Christen slept. This was the cool place to be. A guy named Greg played songs by request. The cool part is that he would improvise if he didn't know the words to a song. While I was in there, I saw the girl from the dinner table. I looked to her left and saw an older man, I guess her father, giving me an evil glare. I was worried that he was going to throw me off the boat or something so I stopped looking at her.

The piano bar shut down and everybody went to the next room where a game show was about to start. Bruce and I went up to the bar to get drinks as the host instructed everybody to organize into teams of 4 to 6 people. Two girls, Jane and Melissa, standing next to us at the bar turned to us and one of them counted to four, pointing to each of them, Bruce and me. The object of the game show was that the host would call out something in the room that each team had to bring up to the stage. At first he called out innocent things like a piece of fruit and a ship ID card. By the end of the show, he had men running up to the front with lipstick on, wearing a woman's bra and holding a purse. Yeah, there are pictures of me doing that. Bruce and I sat and talked to Jane and Melissa for a while after the game show.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009 - La Romana, Dominican Republic

I didn't get off the boat in The Dominican Republic except to buy a souvenir for my nephew. There didn't seem to be too much to do, and I wasn't too enthused. I wandered the ship all day. Later Bruce and I went to the disco bar on the boat while Rachel hit up the casino and Christen slept again. We met Jane and Melissa in the disco and learned that they are both in relationships, but their boyfriends weren't on the ship. Rachel let the girls know that Bruce was in a relationship too by kissing him on the lips in front of both of them. They seemed to lose interest in us after that.

Thursday, January 29, 2009 - Fun Day of Caged Animal Syndrome

Apparently five days is the limit to how long I can spend on a cruise before experiencing cabin fever because I started getting restless and irritable. From the time I woke up until around 2 AM or 3 AM I was pacing around like a caged animal. The boat that was so huge on Saturday suddenly felt too small. As I was walking the decks, I found the girl from dinner again. She was laying out in the sun. She looked at me, smiled and waved. I was afraid to talk to her after receiving the evil look from her father the other day. I walked by her and then walked away. I decided to go back to my room and change into my swimsuit then give it a second shot. She was gone by the time I got back. This made things worse. Not only was I starting to go crazy from wanting off the boat, but I was now upset about screwing up an opportunity to talk to a pretty girl. I now wanted off the boat even more. I walked every floor of the boat at least once.

Friday, January 30, 2009 - Nassau, Bahamas

Can you guess the first thing I did after I woke up? I ran down stairs and got in line to get off the boat. I waked around on the pier for about thirty minutes then I got hungry. Food is free on the boat so I got back on and went to the cafe to eat. After all that pacing the day before, I only spent thirty minutes on land before getting back on. Then we signed up for an excursion that included a 30 minute boat trip to a private island. We got off the boat just to get on another boat. We took the Yellow Bird tour to a private island. If you ever go to the Bahamas, be sure to take the Yellow Bird tour. It was awesome. The boat had a live band and the singer told a story about the history of the Bahamas as he played. They also offered free rum punch. On the way back we had a conga line and we played the limbo. Another boat was traveling beside us and I could see the passengers staring at us and wishing they were on our boat.

Yeah, It's my birthday. I celebrated my 30th birthday in the Bahamas. And what would a birthday be like without being embarrassed by your friends. They had the wait staff sing Happy Birthday to me at dinner. I started playing with the flowers on the table. I put each flower behind my ear for a while before changing to another flower. The reactions from the wait staff and other guest were satisfying.

Later that night Bruce and I went to the Piano Bar again while Rachel made a paycheck in the casino and Christen went to sleep. Once again I started getting restless and irritable. I kept seeing the girl from dinner, but she no longer looked at me and smiled. I think she was mad about me ignoring her the day before. Oh well.

Saturday, January 31, 2009 - Debarkation and Return Home

When we got back to Fort Lauderdale, I had mixed feelings about getting off the boat. I was sad to leave all the fun and new friends that I had made, yet happy to be heading home to my own bed. Even thought I got restless and wanted off the boat about 5 days in, I didn't want it to end. I wish I could have spent more time in each port and on the boat. Everything went by so fast that I couldn't take it all in. Overall I had a blast.

I Hate My Boss
Posted on Sunday, August 17, 2008 :|: Nobody cared enough to Comment

Ha! Ha! Fooled you! This isn't about my boss; it is written for my boss or any potential employer who comes across my web site.

It is becoming a trend for companies to research their employees and potential employees on the internet. They look and find your dirty little secrets that you posted for everyone to see, and then make employment decisions based on it. I find this extremely disturbing. It is the equivalent of stalking someone. While I understand that the internet is a public place and I posted the information there with that understanding, the shopping mall is a public place too. If you followed me around the mall watching everything I looked at and who I talked to, I would be very freaked out. This behavior would be socially unacceptable and possibly illegal. Yet people have distorted judgment about these types of issues online. At the very least, it should be considered unethical in a business situation.

If I go to a bar when I'm off work, I don't say "I can't get drunk because my boss might see me and fire me for it." It is not a business related function. If I'm not wearing the company name, then I'm not representing the company. If I'm not doing anything illegal, my actions should be of no concern to my employer.

With all that said, I would like to respectfully ask any employer, coworker or potential employer to disregard and ignore anything they may find on my personal web site. I don't bring my issues to work with me, so there is no reason that you should do it.

Books For The Glove Box
Posted on Thursday, April 10, 2008 :|: Nobody cared enough to Comment

Carma Sutra (Click to view article)
Carma Sutra - The Auto-Erotic Handbook

According to the publisher:

Unbuckle your seatbelt for this, the first-ever manual of sex positions for in-car entertainment! Fully illustrated and packed with helpful, practical, model-specific advice, this glove-compartment-sized guide contains everything readers need to rev up their sex drive!
  • Features illustrations and advice for over 20 makes and models, from compacts and sedans to hybids and SUVs.
  • Includes two double-page gatefolds on taxi cab eroticism and limousine service.
  • Perfect for car lovers and lovers in cars alike.
Can't Fix Stupid
Posted on Sunday, January 27, 2008 :|: Nobody cared enough to Comment

In my job I help a lot of people with real computer problems. It makes me feel good to know that I am doing something helpful. However, sometimes I have to fix "user issues." I understand that not everybody is knowledgeable about computers, but some people come up with some good ones. I hate to belittle people or call something a stupid question, but you should understand after reading a few examples. These are details from help desk tickets at work followed by my comments.

"User accidentally deleted a network printer from her pc. She did not know the exact printer name so since she was in payroll we added the payroll network printer. She says this may not be the printer she deleted. User needed a shared printer mapped"

I'm not psychic. I don't know what printer she deleted either. Maybe she could try printing to the printer that the help desk connected her to. Then she could walk over to the printer she thinks it is and see if they were correct. She could also try reading the label on the printer that says PAYROLL1.

"User is not able to access VPN from home. Internet is not working either."

There is a reason that we tell people that they need an internet connection to use VPN.

"User's account was disabled and needs to be enabled. He is no longer with the company, but needs to log on."

Do you want us to keep sending you a paycheck too?

"User is unable to boot her computer up. She is getting a disk read error. She is rebooting and every time her computer tries to boot up she gets the same error. She has checked for a disk and she does not have one in her hard drive."

When I get to her desk, she is still rebooting. If at first you don't succeed, reboot! Reboot! Reboot! Over and over and over again. Here's a clue: The message said "If this is your first time to see this message, restart your computer. If it continues, contact your administrator."

"User deleted some files. He is not sure what the file names were, where the files were located or when they were deleted. Can they be restored?"

We have over 350 file shares on one server alone. There are thousands of subfolders in those shares. There are around 1,000 people creating, changing and deleting files on that server. That is just one of the 1,000 servers his file could have been on. He wasn't even sure if it was on a server or his local computer. He expects me to figure out which file he deleted when he can't even point me in the right direction? He can't point me in any direction. I later found out that he wasn't even sure if he ever saved the files. He just couldn't find them. Once again, I'm not psychic.

"User needs to recover a deleted email. He emptied his deleted items folder and cleared the recovery cache."

You have to try very hard to permanently delete an email at my company. You have to delete it from the Inbox first. Then you have to delete it from the Deleted Items folder. After that, it is held in a Recovery Cache for about a week. You technically have to delete the email three times. Sorry man, but three strikes and your SOL.

"I hear there was a layoff recently and I am interested obtaining a laptop with more power than the one I currently posses."

Have you no shame? Show some respect for the recently departed you filthy grave robber.

"I visit our local football team's web site for news and information about our team. I am a former player who likes to keep up with the news. This web site has not been available for the past few days."

Maybe your manager had the site blocked so you would do some work instead of fucking around on the internet all day.

OMG! 4-Year-Old Sex Offenders!
Posted on Sunday, October 28, 2007 :|: Nobody cared enough to Comment

Did you know that there are places where a child can hug and frolic with an adult and nobody associates any perverted thoughts about it? Not in America. Not anymore.

Washington Post: Is That 4-Year-Old Really a Sex Offender?

Favorite quote:

"In December 2006, a 4-year-old boy in Waco, Tex., was punished with an in-school suspension after a female aide accused him of sexual harassment. According to a television station there, the child had hugged the woman while getting on the bus, and she later complained to administrators at La Vega Primary School that the child had put his face in her chest."

Yes, America, you have truly lost your fucking mind! If you even consider pressing sexual harassment charges against a pre-schooler, you need to seek therapy about your unhealthy aversion to sex. No, that 4-year-old is not the pervert. You are!

A Day for the Disturbed
Posted on Friday, September 14, 2007 :|: Nobody cared enough to Comment

Today is World Hearing Voices Day. Did you know that not all people who hear voices find them distressing? Please take a moment to review the links below and possibly develop a better understanding of "auditory hallucinations."

Links of interest:

Hearing Voices: Some People Like It

Can hearing voices in your head be a good thing?

The Campaign for Abolition of the Schizophrenia Label

World Hearing Voices Day Events Worldwide

Hearing Voices Network

The International Community for Hearing Voices

Search for more on Google

Interesting Teeth
Posted on Friday, June 01, 2007 :|: Nobody cared enough to Comment

I just went to the dentist for the first time in about 14 years. I haven't had insurance all that time, and couldn't afford it. So I was scared that he was going to look in my mouth and say that all that candy has rotted my teeth away. Instead, he shocked me by saying my teeth are in really good condition. There is some calcium buildup on some of my teeth. He said this is because I haven't had them cleaned in so long, but they'll get all that off next week.

Of course all that was before the x-ray. After the x-ray, he brought the picture to me and said it was "interesting." Apparently, I still got one of my baby teeth and the adult tooth is up above it. He pointed out how the tooth is smaller than its counter-part on the other side. He said he is going to consult a surgical dentist to determine if it should be pulled or not. It doesn't hurt, so I'd rather leave it alone. He also showed me that one of my wisdom teeth has grown in sideways and is pushing against the root of its neighbor. That tooth will have to come out.

Because Somebody Cares
Posted on Monday, May 28, 2007 :|: Nobody cared enough to Comment

I lie in bed sometimes and wonder if people will ever think about me and say "I saw the signs, but I didn't do any thing." I wonder if they will ever say "I could have helped him." I wonder how long it will take them to forget about me. Then I wonder if they will even notice. If they don't care about me now, why would they care about me then? It's not like I hide the signs. I fucking cry for help, but nobody is listening. I hang on because I know that somebody cares and I don't want to hurt them. I keep hoping that things will get better one day. But even when things get better, something is still wrong. Why is my happiness so short lived? I just need one thing to make me happy. The one thing that I can not find.

Things Not To Say On Your Next Date
Posted on Saturday, March 31, 2007 :|: Nobody cared enough to Comment
So I kind of had a date with a guy the other day. As we were talking, he told me a few things about himself without realizing it. I will list the things he said, and what it tells me about him. Some people may think I'm an ass for this, but I'm the type of person who would tell someone they have something on their face while everyone else would let them walk around all day looking stupid because they don't want to hurt the person's feelings. Incase you didn't know already, I'm a very open and honest person.
What he said:
It sometimes annoys people when I diva them. If I don't like what they're saying, I'll put my hand up and "shush" them.
What that tells me about him:
He doesn't have respect for other people or their opinions.
What he said:
I get violent with my little brother all the time. I broke his leg three times. I threw him down the stairs once.
What that tells me about him:
He is most likely an abusive boyfriend also. If he gets violent with family, he may get violent with me. This brings extra concern if he mostly gets violent with family members who are not normal blood relatives (Step dad, step brother, half brother) because I'm not a blood relative. I'll admit that my brother and I have had our share of arguments and fights, but we never got in a fist fight or broke any bones.
What he said when I asked his age:
What he accidentally said later on:
I'm moving out of my dad's house when I turn 18. I told you I was 18 because I didn't think you would give me a chance if you knew I was 17.
What that tells me about him:
He will lie to me if he thinks it will benefit him. I may have given him a chance if he didn't lie to me. Dating a minor is a risk. Most people don't want to take that risk, but there are people who will. Regardless, this is a risk that your potential boyfriend should be aware of.
What he said at first:
I'm looking for a serious relationship. Most gay people are all about sex and I don't like that.
What he asked me later:
Do you wear boxers or briefs? Do you like rough sex or gentle sex?
What that tells me about him:
He was obviously feeding me the same lines as anyone else when we first met. I don't care to hear someone say that they are interested in a serious relationship. That is something you prove, not say. The purpose of dating is to get to know someone and figure out if you want to be in a serious relationship with them. With that said, it doesn't bother me when some says they are interested in serious relationships. Also, it doesn't bother me if someone asks what type of sex I like. What bothers me is when someone says that they are interested in serious relationships, and then asks what type of sex I like. If you truly are interested in a serious relationship, you're getting too personal for the first date. Either you want something serious or you want sex. Make up your mind and be honest.
I could overlook the last two items, but the first two are big issues. I don't have any room in my heart for someone who would be abusive and disrespectful towards me.
What Has Happened To Me?
Posted on Sunday, February 25, 2007 :|: Nobody cared enough to Comment

How did laundry get to be such a chore? It used to be that I would come home from work/school and throw a load in the washer. I'd throw it in the dryer before I went to bed and grab it out the next morning. I'd do laundry two or three times a week and everything was clean except for what I was wearing. It never bothered me. Now I hate doing laundry. It seems like no matter how much I wash, the laundry basket is always full.

When did snow become an evil blanket from hell? I used to look forward to snow days. I remember a time when I would see snow out the window and I would rush to get dressed so I could go play in the snow. I would have snow fights. I would make snow angels. If there was enough snow we would make a snow man. Now I hate snow. I hate it because I get stuck in my house with nothing to do. If I have to go out, I dread it because everybody forgets how to drive.

Speaking of that, when did driving become something I hate? I used to love driving. My friends and I would pile in my truck and drive around all day. I didn't care where we were going, as long as we ended up somewhere. Now I hate driving. Other drivers stress me out all the time. They're driving too slow or they're cutting me off and making me hit my brakes.

When did I become so bitter and cynical? When did I start to hate people? When did I start to hate the things that I love? When did I start to hate everything? What happened to me?

I made this all by myself...(=P

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