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Can I Go Back
Published on May 28, 2007
Can I go back to that one place where it all started?
Can I go back and right that wrong?
Can I right the wrong that started it all?

But which wrong would that be?
There have been so many that I forgot where it all started.
It was so long ago, it seems like things always went wrong.

I can not remember when things really went right.
And when they did, I always found a way to fuck it up.
I can't allow things to go right because I don't know how to handle it.

It's amazing what people will tell you when they're drunk.
I guess I need to get some new friends.
Have I ever really had a friend?
I Sit Here Without You
Published on February 18, 2006

I silently watch you from a distance.
You are looking right at me, but you don't see me.
You have to know I'm there.
Will you talk to me today or ignore me like yesterday?
Why won't you talk to me?
I've met you before but we never talked.
Will you touch my lips with yours?
I'm too scared to go near you.
Will you hold me and tell me how much you love me?
I like you, but I really don't know a thing about you.
Will you lie with me in bed tonight?
You won't do anything with me because you don't know me.
I'm too shy to talk to you.
What would I say to you?
Why won't you start the conversation?
I sit here without you by my side, but my life will go on.

Best Friends
Published on June 09, 2003

How could I do this?
How could I be such a bitch?
When you were my best friend

You did hurt me
You said something I never heard before
"Maybe we shouldn't be friends anymore"

I said I tried
But did I try hard enough
When you were my best friend

The things I heard
The things people said
They hurt me deeply

I saw you but could not pass you
I could not confront you
Because you were my best friend

I think of you still
How wrong I was
Because you were my best friend

I ask you now
Can we fix this?
Because I still think of you as my best friend

Understanding Me
Published on or before January 09, 2002

I do not tell you what I really think... what I truly believe
I cannot tell you because I fear your response
I fear that you will not accept me... that you will lock me up and say I'm dangerous
You already think I'm weird from the way I act and dress
I wonder what you would think if you saw inside me... the real me
I hide my feelings and lie about my thoughts
I see things in ways that I can't explain
I pushed you away when you got too close cause I didn't want to hurt you
I don't know what to do cause I've never had a friend like you
How can I expect you to understand me when I can't understand myself

Off Track
Published on or before January 09, 2002

The train that never seemed to reach full speed creeps slowly now
I don't know when or where, but somehow I ran off track
There is no reverse on this train
One can only look back at the turns I have missed
No decent map is available to plot a course, and the tracks are not labeled well
I search for the right switchyard, but I look at the wrong times in the wrong direction...

Will I ever get my life back on track?

Published on or before January 09, 2002

Finding a mate is like hunting for seashells in the ocean:

  • There are billions of them along the coast alone
  • The best ones always seem out of reach and are hard to get
  • They are all different, but none are perfect
  • Some are pretty on the outside and ugly inside while others are the opposite
  • Some belong to someone else
  • Some have never been handled while others have been played with and tossed away
  • Sometimes one will wash up right in front of you when you aren't even searching
  • But most important of all, if you see one you like, grab it...
    you never know how long it will hang around and you might not get another chance
Shattered Dreams
Published on or before April 30, 2001

I could be a designer
but you told me I had no sense of style

I could be an artist
but you told me I can't draw

I could be a police officer
but you told me I would get shot

I could be a computer programmer
but you told me I was not smart enough

I could be leader
but you said nobody would follow me

I could be the president
but you told me all politicians are corrupt

I could be a comedian
but you destroyed my sense of humor

I could be a writer
but you called all my stories depressing and morbid

I could be successful
but you shattered all of my dreams

Old Friend
Published on or before April 30, 2001

Where have you gone my Old Friend?
What has caused our beautiful friendship to end?
You helped me through the worst of times
You held me while I laid and cried
I wish you could only see
the wonderful things you've done for me
Your love for me showed so true
I'm afraid to think what would've happened if it wasn't for you
Could you just tell me why
you left without saying goodbye?

Published on or before April 30, 2001

You lied to me
You lied to me so many times while we were together
You lied about me
You turned people against me with your lies
You turned me against people
Your lies hurt me
They hurt me deeply
But they do not seem to ever bother you
Some of your lies caught up with you
I found out about some of your lies
I do not know about all the lies
I still hear about lies I did not know about before
Now one of your lies is catching up with you again
And you want me to lie for you
You want me to cover up for one of your lies
Why should I lie for you when you have lied so much to me?
Why do you think I would lie for you after what you have done to me?
I will not lie for you
I will lie no more
But guess what
I lied to you

Broken Promises
Published on or before April 30, 2001

You promised me
You promised to be there
But where were you when I needed you?
You were not there

You promised me
Forever for the rest of my life
You sang that song to me....every word
But that song means nothing to you now

You promised me
I promise you never...will you hurt anymore
This feeling wont go away
You sang that song too

You promised me
Your heart is safe with me
I'll never hurt you
These are the songs that you sang to me

You promised me
What does a promise mean to you?
Your promises seem nothing but insincere to me
You promised me

An Hour of Thought
Published on or before February 19, 2001

I just spent an hour thinking about you
thinking about me
about us two
and I don't know what to conclude
after an hour of thinking about you

I thought about my love
I thought about you
about your smile
and your love too
and I asked the lord what to do
after an hour of thinking about you

I thought about how I can't show my love
with objects of affection as you have done
I thought about how it might make you feel
if the love I give does not seem real
and I suddenly felt very sad and blue
after an hour of thinking about you

I thought about what I would do if you leave
if you decide I am not the man with whom you want to be
I thought about the horrible tragedy
of waking up everyday without you beside me
and I don't know what to do
after an hour of thinking about you

I thought about "the man of my dreams"
who would hold me and cherish me every time I am seen
and I realized
I've been thinking about you my entire life
and I hope that you feel this too
after an hour of thinking about you

Emotional Knife
Published on or before October 30, 1998

I have a knife that is placed in my heart
people have twisted and turned it, its tearing me apart
it has been in me for many years
it has caused me many tears
some people try to be my friend
they try to help my heart to mend
but they nudge the knife without knowing
the pain inside keeps growing and growing
people have tried to take the knife out
but they'll stab it back in without a doubt
I've lived so long with the painful ache
I expect everyone to cause my heart to break
the knife makes it hard for me to show my love
people don't seem to understand what I am speaking of
I feel as though I live in vain
why can't I get rid of this terrible pain
my life is being torn apart
by the emotional knife in my bleeding heart

What Do You See
Published on or before October 09, 1999

What is it that you see
when your eyes stare at me
Do you see a poor boy struggling to survive
or a piece of trash you want out of your life
Do you see the pain in my heart
or a torn red blob trying to pass as art
Do you see the tears in my eyes
or just a faggot full of lies
Do you see the struggles I have gone through
or a bum trying to mooch off of you
Do you see me getting things together
or a life torn apart by bad weather
Do you really even care to know
or would you just like me to shut up and go

Love Games
Published on or before October 30, 1998

To some people love is just a game
They hug and kiss everyone the same
Their very presence fills you with joy
but they play with your heart like its a toy
They flirt as though they like you too
but they always leave you sad and blue
They wait until you give them your love
then act like they don't know what your speaking of
It makes no difference if you stay or go
to them your just another hoe
all they want is a late night fling
they really don't care about anything
Then its like an act from above
they finally find someone and fall in love
They think the game has come to an end
but its actually being played on them
Its over with before they know
the love of their life says "its time to go"
Their whole world has turned to black
cause now God has got them back

BoXed In
Published on or before October 30, 1998

I cant move
I'm all confined

The walls are thick
in this box of mine

I try to escape
but there is no way

its as tall as I jump
its as low as I lay

If I tear it down
it comes back again

These walls so thick
seem very thin

From this box
I cannot escape

This tiny box
I will always hate

The air is getting thick
and its hard to speak

I must get out
its making me weak

But its fighting me
following me

It catches me
in my sleep

No matter how much
I fuss and whine

The walls are thick
in this box of mine

Published on or before October 30, 1998

Every day we make a choice
in our minds or in our voice.
Sometimes we look back and say
"Should I have chose the other way?"
We ponder "Was I really right
with the choice I made tonight?"
"If I had chosen differently
would it have been better for me?"
Sometimes, from our choices, we will gain
but many times we end up in pain
We may get to chose again
but will we make the right choice then?
Some people always have regrets
every little choice, they will fret
Sometimes it doesn't matter what you chose
either way you will loose.
How do we know if were right
the battle of choices is an ugly fight.
In this world its me or you
wont someone tell us what to do.

Delusional World
Published on or before October 30, 1998

Open your eyes, look and you will see
we are living in a world of false realities
Every night we escape from our lives
to be with our imaginary friends, husbands, or wives
This is the truth that you cannot deny
but we all must ask ourselves why
It is ok to occasionally daydream
as long as reality is eventually seen
But some of us never seem to come back
cause the real world is too morbid and black
You may ask how we come to this false reality
its simply by turning on our family TV

Love Again
Published on or before October 30, 1998

What is love?
Will I ever love again?
Do I know how to love again?
Have I even loved yet?
Love is but the cruelest emotion of all
Love is just immature bliss
Or is it bliss?
Love is a gift, but a rotten gift
When one loves another he is not loved back
For the other loves someone else and
That someone else loves yet another
It is all jus a bizarre love chain
Or do any of them really love?
Is it just an infatuation chain?
So many times I thought I was in love
But I was wrong
I am now afraid to say the word again
I don't know what love is anymore
I thought I did but was proven wrong
Does love really exist?
Do you love me?
Do I love you?
Does love exist between us?
I am afraid, so afraid
Do you know what I fear?
I fear the déjà vu of a broken heart
The premonition of being alone
But being alone is the only joy of my life
Cause when I'm with you I worry
I worry that you will leave me
If you leave me there will be no joy
I will not experience the joy of love
Do you know how I feel?

My Love
Published on or before October 30, 1998

My love is like a story that I want to share
but nobody wants to listen
people will hear part of the story
but they don't want to hear the end
they want to be part of my story
but they don't want to tell theirs to me
people want me to tell my story only to them
but they share their story with everybody else
they help me to tell a good story
then they hurt me and make my story sad
they laugh at my story when it is not funny
they get upset cause they do not understand
my story is about my ever changing life
I just wanna share it with a man who cares

My First Love
Published on or before July 16, 1998

Just a few months ago, I met a cute guy
I felt funny around him, I didn't know why
he said he liked me, I said I liked him
I said those five words "will you be my boyfriend?"
his answer was yes, it filled me with joy
but what is this feeling when I'm around the boy
then I realized what I was thinking of
this feeling I had was that of love
he said that he had that feeling too
I said "I always want to be with you"
we had our ups and we had our downs
sometimes we smiled, sometimes we frowned
I tried to change to show the better part of me
but sometimes I screwed up and made him mad at me
I cant go to bed with us feeling that way
so we would always make up by the end of the day
he's kinda young so I tried to take it slow
but he's my first boyfriend, what to do, I just don't know
I have a real hard time expressing my true feelings for him
and there's questions being asked from this voice within
why wont he stay near me when we are in the mall?
does he really even like me at all?
I believe he does and that our love is true
again I said "I always want to be with you"
as time went on his attitude changed
his whole personality seemed to be rearranged
one day while thinking I realized at last
oh no! I think I might be moving too fast
slow down! slow down! don't scare him away
but he wants to see me every day
I tried to give him a little space
then he says "I don't see you enough" and that's what I face
so I do as he ask and to movies we go
but something is wrong, this I know
before I know it he's dumping me
"its all for the better" he says to me
he tells me he still wants to be friends
but that usually means that this is the end
I wanna still hang out, let our friendship stay
but I wonder if he wants it to be that way
now I screwed up and made him mad
he says "have a nice life" and I am real sad
so live on I must, don't live in vein
but that feeling of love has turned to that of great pain
there's not a day that goes by that I don't cry
how I let this happened I'm not sure why
I hope that one day I will get over him
but for now I have this pain within

A Toy Doll
Published on or before May 23, 1998

I have a toy doll I have kept for years
It gave me joy, it took away my tears
It gave me strength when I was sad
It made me laugh when I was mad
With this toy doll I did not play
I did not want to see it another day
For it reminded me that I was alone
A king with nobody to share his throne
I planned to give it to a special friend
who would be with me until the end
I pray today that my thoughts are true
and that special friend is you
My little toy doll I kept so long
I gave it to you hoping I was not wrong
That little toy doll, I hope you will see
Means just as much as you to me
I just hope it means as much to you
cause expressing my feelings is hard to do
But I don't want to see it in my house again
Because that would mean you are no longer my friend

All poems on this page are original work and are copyright © 1998-2006 by David Shaw.

I made this all by myself...(=P

All original content on BrainVacation.com copyright © 1998-2008 David Shaw